you wouldn't believe how difficult (or near impossible unless you're on a deserted island or in the middle of nowhere or similar) it is to not read. i've been somewhat good - reading only necessary emails and other "work-related" type stuff. my husband walked by me not to long ago thumbing through a web design book and i had to yell out to him, "i'm not cheating! i'm only looking at the pictures," which was true but i had to laugh since i still managed to get a book in my hands.

am still eating raw foods. i'd say i'm at about 95% raw. i'm sure there are a few things (like my roasted almonds) that are cooked or break the rules somehow. the interesting thing is that i know i'm eating a whole lot less yet i'm really not all that hungry. i have to think my body's adjusting to it. plus there are no sugar highs and lows associated with my regular diet that i am loving. it makes my whole world that much more stable. plus i don't have to think about what to eat. i just grab and go. no worries.

you'd think we were living in the mountains in colorado or similar the way the snow keeps coming and coming. too bad we don't live near a cool (or even uncool) ski resort where i can at least make use of the piling up white stuff. it seems rather pointless to me otherwise.

it's day four of the raw food diet and day three (more like two and a half) of the reading deprivation. am doing ok with both - though am probably cheating a bit more with the reading. have quickly found a reading addiction substitute - tv. stayed up till midnight watching mindless programs for no good reason other than i couldn't read and needed something else to help me zone out. if anything, this whole reading deprivation is teaching me how much i depend on reading to escape and to keep me from doing anything more productive. is at least eye opening in that respect. have been reading emails - although not ALL of them. only the ones i deem important and time sensitive. the others either get deleted or have to wait.

met with a fellow coach for lunch and through talking with her, learned even more about my true passions and how my "real" self is starting to emerge (finally). the interesting thing is that it's not looking like how i thought it would - my "real" self, i mean. i've grown up with the label of "writer" bestode on my by countless teachers, parents and friends. and i relished in it, loved it, and wrote a lot. i've kept a steady journal since i was 10 when my aunt bev bought me my first one - a little pink hardbound book with a lock. i loved it. finally a place to store all my thoughts and dreams. and i've been journaling ever since (and loving it). it's really more of a compulsion than anything. it's something i HAVE to do. i have no choice about it. maybe it's another addiction. i do not know what i would do if i couldn't write. so, for all these years (about 27), i've written. and considered myself a writer.

well, this is where things start to get interesting. i started taking an artists way class (book by julia cameron - i highly recommend it) and am on week four. it's been very intense and also very liberating. i do truly feel like my true artistic self is starting to emerge. but it's not the writer girl that i was expecting and have based my whole life on believing. instead it's this very creative photographer who uses photography as therapy (to help me through the intense grief after my mother died) and as a way to express herself. and who LOVES to take photos and share them with others. it's another thing i feel compelled to do. whenever the weather breaks or it's an exceptionally beautiful day or when the mood strikes, i'm out taking photos. i know i "should" expand my territory - since all my photos are in and around chicago - however that's not what's important. what matters is my love of doing it and how playful and happy it makes me. bottom line. and i'm finally admitting to myself that this is where my true energy is right now - on photography. am not sure what that means or where it will take me but i'm open to following it through the door right now and exploring all that it has to offer and teach me. i mean, why not?

am not sure what comes next for me and i'm really trying not to worry about it - instead just letting it unfold. have some ideas. could start thinking seriously about the photography - putting together a collection of photos to show, putting together a portfolio, and starting to exhibit somewhere. or at least printing them out, signing up for art shows, or even planning to stand around street corners downtown to sell them to eager tourists. there's lots of options for that. i just need to figure out what works for me right now.

i caved. i took myself to borders (big mistake) to buy a raw food cook book. figured that i need to eat more than green smoothies (which are actually very good) and salads to keep this going. found a beatiful hard bound raw food cook book, very gourmet yet simple, that i cannot wait to try. so does it count that i read in order to feed myself? i'm thinking it wasn't that big of a slip. am still sustaining from my chic lit novels (my candy of choice) and haven't touched a newspaper or magazine. so i consider myself doing pretty well.

took the husband to his first raw food restaurant for our date night. he found it interesting, a little intense and good all at the same time. i'm really raring to learn how to "cook" these foods so i don't have to keep going out to eat to feel normal. plus it gets expensive!!

am watching my other addiction - project runway - this evening so that should help me stay away from my novel. it bites, too, because i just started a good one.

ok...i'm completely hopeless. from one addiction to another.

i was invited to a meetup.com group called cashmere mafia. had no idea what that meant so, of course, googled it (even though i'm not supposed to be reading but i chalked it up to networking opportunities which in turn means work-related). have spent the last hour or so watching the pilot episode online. you can do that now (which is so cool). see that i'm three more episodes behind and the tv series runs tonight (wednesday) at 9 pm central - in direct conflict with my other addiction project runway. is going to be tough to decide. need to figure out if project runway will be running their new episode again at 10 pm (which they often do). if so (fingers crossed!), then i get to watch both. who could possibly miss reading?

let me say right off that i'm having major withdrawal. and it's not what you're thinking.

i started taking an artist's way (book by julia cameron - fabulous!) class earlier this month. i'm currently on week four. it's a course (and book) dedicated to helping you to release your creativity. i read the book about ten years ago, didn't make any significant changes at the time (although i did appreciate the content), and it's been sitting on my shelf ever since. well now it's making me do things i never thought i would do.

starting today (well, technically last night), i've been put on a ONE WEEK reading hiatus. besides reading for work, which for me means limited emails, i'm supposed to not read for one whole week. you might be thinking "big deal" but for me it's staggering. you see, i'm a complete book addict. i read constantly - anything and everything i can get my hands on. i'm usually reading two to three books at a time and devour them quickly. the librarian practically knows my name (since i had to give up buy books a long time ago) and friends are constantly giving me new books to read. i am not sure how i'm going to survive the week.

the whole idea to this reading deprivation is to get me, the "blocked artist," to do more creative things with the time i would be reading. julia cameron claims that many blocked artists hide behind books to keep themselves from having to be creative and i know i'm completely guilty of that. so that's one reason i've decided to start this blog - to give myself something to chew on while i'm craving my books.

this whole reading deprivation, which i just learned about last night, coincides with another major shift in my life - my eating habits. starting monday, i decided to go raw for one week to see how i feel. a lot of my friends have been singing the praises of eating raw food (which basically means sticking with raw veggies, fruits, nuts and oils) so i decided to give it a try. little did i know that my reading would also be snatched away for the same week. ironic or coincidental? or maybe fate.

either way i thought it'd be fun (and helpful) to chronical my experience. i'm an avid journal writer but tend to keep that very personal and quiet. writing for "out there" definitely has a different feel to it but i'm striving to be as open and honest as i've been in my personal journals. in fact, i'm going to try to not writing my personal journal this week and writing only here instead. so it should get interesting.