10:41 pm

Watched confessions of a shopaholic. Was better than I thought. Had read the book and LOVED it. Of course the movie was different. But while watching it, it made me want to write screenplays. Or at least write romantic comedies again. Like it was calling out to me - write. Write. I think as I close the doors on web design and “making” money (and all the pressures associated with that), I’m starting to open up to NEW possibilities (or I should say OLD renewed possibilities). I’m starting to feel renewed hope and optimism. I am starting to see where writing can take me (even if it never gets published). It’s starting to feel REAL again. Something it hasn’t felt in a long long time. And it’s making me want to put it out there again, take risks, take changes, DO something meaningful with my life. And maybe for me, meaningful isn’t the typical 9 to 5. I keep thinking that maybe it is - like I should force myself to conform, to fit in, to be like everyone else - but really is that what’s best for me? Is that what’s best for everyone?

So I’m excited again. For the first time in a very long time I’m actually excited!! And it feels good.

Days just slip and slide into each other like nothing at all matters. It’s quite disturbing how this happens. It makes me wonder.

Am back from panera and borders. Went around 3:30 because I was starving and had a 40% off coupon for borders. Ended up in the writers reference section for like an hour - no joke - looking at every single writing book available and all the word books (like how to expand your vocabulary). I wanted to buy them all. But did end up buying a book on writing (kind of like an index book) and then one on creativity coaching that I found while browsing the self-help aisle. Then one on putting together your list of things to do before you die. I can really see how they all tie in together. I feel like I have a little baby sprout of an idea that wants to burst forward - that incorporates writing and creativity and coaching and even photography - but it’s still just out of my reach. Maybe it’s creativity coaching - and incorporating helping people to break out of their box through creativity - and pushing me way outside of my box. I am also in search of clarity and fous which I think is why I resonated with the things to do before you die book. Like I need some goals. And I need to think it through. I need to be PURPOSEFUL. And I need to break beyond my own boundaries - to really push myself creatively. Whatever that means. And it doesn’t even matter what it ends up being as long as I do it. It really is more about the process. So am very excited about it. Feel like I’m FINALLY moving forward again AND am excited about it (which is a HUGE deal).