the snow comes and comes

you'd think we were living in the mountains in colorado or similar the way the snow keeps coming and coming. too bad we don't live near a cool (or even uncool) ski resort where i can at least make use of the piling up white stuff. it seems rather pointless to me otherwise.

it's day four of the raw food diet and day three (more like two and a half) of the reading deprivation. am doing ok with both - though am probably cheating a bit more with the reading. have quickly found a reading addiction substitute - tv. stayed up till midnight watching mindless programs for no good reason other than i couldn't read and needed something else to help me zone out. if anything, this whole reading deprivation is teaching me how much i depend on reading to escape and to keep me from doing anything more productive. is at least eye opening in that respect. have been reading emails - although not ALL of them. only the ones i deem important and time sensitive. the others either get deleted or have to wait.

met with a fellow coach for lunch and through talking with her, learned even more about my true passions and how my "real" self is starting to emerge (finally). the interesting thing is that it's not looking like how i thought it would - my "real" self, i mean. i've grown up with the label of "writer" bestode on my by countless teachers, parents and friends. and i relished in it, loved it, and wrote a lot. i've kept a steady journal since i was 10 when my aunt bev bought me my first one - a little pink hardbound book with a lock. i loved it. finally a place to store all my thoughts and dreams. and i've been journaling ever since (and loving it). it's really more of a compulsion than anything. it's something i HAVE to do. i have no choice about it. maybe it's another addiction. i do not know what i would do if i couldn't write. so, for all these years (about 27), i've written. and considered myself a writer.

well, this is where things start to get interesting. i started taking an artists way class (book by julia cameron - i highly recommend it) and am on week four. it's been very intense and also very liberating. i do truly feel like my true artistic self is starting to emerge. but it's not the writer girl that i was expecting and have based my whole life on believing. instead it's this very creative photographer who uses photography as therapy (to help me through the intense grief after my mother died) and as a way to express herself. and who LOVES to take photos and share them with others. it's another thing i feel compelled to do. whenever the weather breaks or it's an exceptionally beautiful day or when the mood strikes, i'm out taking photos. i know i "should" expand my territory - since all my photos are in and around chicago - however that's not what's important. what matters is my love of doing it and how playful and happy it makes me. bottom line. and i'm finally admitting to myself that this is where my true energy is right now - on photography. am not sure what that means or where it will take me but i'm open to following it through the door right now and exploring all that it has to offer and teach me. i mean, why not?

am not sure what comes next for me and i'm really trying not to worry about it - instead just letting it unfold. have some ideas. could start thinking seriously about the photography - putting together a collection of photos to show, putting together a portfolio, and starting to exhibit somewhere. or at least printing them out, signing up for art shows, or even planning to stand around street corners downtown to sell them to eager tourists. there's lots of options for that. i just need to figure out what works for me right now.