i caved

after being good all week, i caved. i ate cooked food.

when kurt came home from work, i was starving and pacing the kitchen with no ideas of what to eat. am not sure why but all of a sudden i didn't want fruits or veggies but i wanted "real" food. all of a sudden i felt deprived of all the pleasures in life - cooked food and reading. i think it was too much at once.

being the sweet man that he is, my husband took me out to dinner - anywhere i wanted. i didn't want to be "too bad" and scarf down a burger with fries. but i was definitely starving and looking for more than a chicken salad. we ended up at ole ole, which happens to be at the end of our street on clark (how convenient). we started out going to m henry, a cute little cafe i went to lunch at yesterday, but it was closed for dinner. turns out it's only a breakfast/lunch kind of place. so we trekked back to ole ole and, wow, it was amazing. we ordered guac and chips (semi raw!) and then calamari (pan fried but not deep fried) to start. then we split the most amazing chilean sea bass i'd ever had. wow. it was sensational. so tender yet spiced just right. we will definitely go back.

the whole time i kept asking kurt, "is this bad? am i being bad? what have i done?" and finally he told me to stop beating myself up, that i'm fine, and that i'm finding my balance. i need to look at it that way. it's not like i intended to be 100% raw 100% of the time. i wanted to try it for a week and i think doing it five days straight without deviating is pretty darn good. but i am feeling slightly guilty for caving before the weekend even got started.

my plan at the moment is to be at least 50% raw (what even the raw foodists admit to giving you a lot of the same benefits as being 100% raw) and balancing out the rest with good food that makes me feel healthy. really finding the balance. i think that's what is most important.